I feel strong,
I feel weak,
I think that I must cut the line,
I feel that I will not do it,
I have hopes, .. all in vain, that I know..
I wish things would have gone easier between us...
I crave every second for an answer that would heat up my heart en set yours in flame so that we could melt together for the rest of our lives,
I know I have idle hopes and thoughts,
I played 'the game' and lost.. although it wasn't really a game at all.. it was and is life.. "the life of love"..
I imagined countless paths already that i could follow, some good for me and bad for you, some good for us and bad for me in the end...
I know that I do not know a thing now..
I know that what I feel is putting me in doubt and at the same time could make me certain of the actions that I must take...

You were in my heart, you still are..
You let me feel as never before,
You were the one for me that I was ready for.. I waited.. I gave everything..
You chose ... no, you didn't.. you still are choosing.. you don't know WHAT to choose..
You cannot be blaimed for not choosing..
You cannot be blaimed for making a choice either..
You are who'm I respect, who I understand, who I feel .. deep .. inside...
You must understand that what we had was beautiful,
You must feel that what we could have had would have been even more full of light and love then your deepest imaginations..
You did not let that imagination go to far, you held back.. not aware of it even.. but you did...
You will not be banished from deep within,
You have my patience.. even now.. , GOD.. I am a fool..
You make me say what i want and do not want, make me crave for things that are beyond my grasp.. if only you put your arm a little closer... as you did before..

Time is something I cannot fight.. i realise that now.. I did try you know, to make time irrelevant and make you and me all that mattered..
But I lost the battle, time is exactly what didn't make me one clear vision in your mind.. nothing else..
If only we met before.. If only we met after.. If only we met at the right time...
Why did it have to go this way ? Why do I still feel the same ? Why do you still feel the same ? WHY ??????
Is there a good solution ? Can we be friends ? Can we be even lovers ? That last question is but my hope that speaks.. The second is still that same hope for my mind is telling me otherwise.. The first is my fear, whispering that I can never look at you less than 'someone who I love'..
Only my hope is still telling me we will meet.. will we meet ? I know that that decision lies with me.. a burden that I must carry, and it is for me to decide for how long..

You will know when i release that burden..

You will always be within, .. deep.. engraved with the sparkling light of your eyes, colored with love, memories, feelings...

I wish to thank you.. for knowing you.. for feeling you.. for touching you.. for being with you.. for .. being you.

No, this is not my farewell.. I know that I said things that incline the opposite of what you may think now.. I ask you.. think nothing, this is my way of crying out.. my way of ripping out my heart, letting its blood drip into my mouth and gently putting it back where it belongs..

Do not worry, see you very soon..