Crying
Spend most of the day shedding tears
There was no stopping it
Although I tried, but I felt all the fears
It all started when I failed my test
Tried to explain my personal situations I am in
She didn’t care, just let me fail
To my emotions, at that point, I gave in
Walked away, tears burning in my eyes
A few minutes could I hold them back
But when a friend asked me how it went
I just felt myself crack
I started to cry
Normally I can’t do this with other people around
Don’t want them to see the real me
But today, they were bound
I couldn’t help it, tried to stop
But failed, again, the story of my life
He took me to a place where we could sit down
I wanted to be in his company, but also wanted a knife
But he didn’t leave, he stayed there with me
He also didn’t ask what was wrong
I guess he knew I didn’t wanted to talk
He just sat there, doing his things, for quite long
I couldn’t do a thing
The tears kept coming, silently but in streams
With his glance every once in a while to me
I tried to laugh, or so it seems
I’m not used to doing this
Normally my mask would prevent it from ever happening
But now it just broke down
Releasing everything within
I later apologized to this friend
Was ashamed of it, didn’t ever plan to let him see
But my head is too full of everything
And there is no way I can flee
But he did understand
Should be obvious, he knows all the problems in my mind
Why then do I fear to show my emotions
To him, because he isn’t blind
Also talking about another friend
Always there for me, if I wish him to
But I just don’t lean on them
But right now, that is the best thing to do
I cannot do this alone
My emotions are becoming too strong
And without anyone’s help
I cannot go on
Although my weight is constant right now
And I seem to be alright
I still try to become thin
Everyday, for me, is a fight
A fight, against myself
My feelings, my body, my sense
And with all the things now going on
It all get more intense
An endless circle, of pain and guilt
Unable to stop it, but wanting to live
I await some help I so desperately need
And all myself, I’ll have to give
I hope I’ll be able to concentrate on school
Because I need to pass this year
But right now, as it seems to be going
I will not make it, I fear
People telling me I can do it
But they don’t know all that is going on
No one really does, only me
Inside of me, that’s were the problems belong
It’s up to me to make it better
Inside of me, that’s where things are wrong
Have to straighten that out, and be me again
When I win this battle going on for so long
~sorry, hij is een beetje lang geworden, maar het lucht wel op..~