NO, my sweet sister, not you too!
I don’t want to hear it
You suicidal, no way
But deep in my heart, I have to admit
I couldn’t have thought this wouldn’t affect you
Look at me, dealing with so many issues
It wouldn’t be possible that you were okay
Please, let me in your life, I miss you!
It was an accident, the way I got into your email-account
I didn’t notice, until I saw that message you wrote
To a boy that I don’t know
Apologising for you behaviour in that note
You were sorry, told him how you felt
That you have always been suicidal, and couldn’t help it
My heart stopped when I read this
Wanting to scream, not you too, I felt hit
I always knew you were unique
Dealing with things in your own weird way
I just thought it was a part of you
Now I know it isn’t and I don’t know what to say
I can’t tell you I read this message
It wasn’t supposed to happen, but still
I don’t believe in coincidences, things are meant
So what do I have to do? When I know this, I will
Our family seems to be so fucked up
No one is reacting normal any more
Three persons now suicidal, who is next?
I can’t deal with all this anymore
I always hoped now that you left the house
Found a nice place to life in on your own
You would be okay, no more arguments with dad
No more hiding in your world when you felt alone
I thought you were acting better
You gained weight too, and acting more social to me
But all this time, you were hiding your depression and thoughts
Only the hyper you, we could see
I never have the idea I really knew you
But I thought I had a pretty good idea
Now I’m scared, what are you doing over there?
What may you have already tried, what we didn’t see?
I can’t stop thinking about it, about you
It seems we both have quite similar problems, though you don’t know mine
like I’m not supposed to know yours
But I do now, we are both not okay
I’m so fucking scared right now
Sweet sissy, tell me why
Why do you feel the way you do?
I know you wouldn’t answer this, you wouldn’t even try
You would never admit you have a problem
Like I’ve seen so many times before
Back then I just accepting it, stupid me
But this time, this I can’t ignore
Now know you too are having a hard time
Thought you’re not letting your family see
Should I tell you about my problems, to make you understand
You are not on your own, you also have me
We never had that real deep sissy relationship
You with your intelligence and self-centered way of living
Me, always telling you to care about other people
That the world isn’t all about you, it’s also about giving
Well, I don’t think you will ever see that
You’re unique in that way, that’s just you
Although this made me see you
Through a whole other point of view
You are a lot like me in a way
Didn’t ever see this, now I do
I hate to know you want to die
Is there a way I can help you too?
It still hasn’t really sunken into my mind
You’re still my big smart sister to me
Not the one I learned about today
Have to get to know here, if you’re willing to let me see
~Ik heb vandaag per ongeluk een mailtje, geschreven door mijn zus, gelezen, waarin zij verteld dat ze suicidal is/was. Het was nooit de bedoeling dat ik dit te lezen kreeg, maar door toeval (waar ik niet in geloof) is dit toch gebeurt, en ben ik heel erg geschrokken. Vooral omdat ik deze kant van haar niet ken, het nooit had verwacht, en zelf met dezelfde problemen loop. Ik heb geen idee wat ik ermee aanmoet..~