My head is killing me
The pain, the thoughts that won’t seem to leave
Looking for sense, just for one single moment
But it’s not there, there’s no relieve
Every single moment, thinking, worrying
About things that don’t even matter
But to me, everything is such a big deal
And my soul, I can feel it shatter
So sensitive, the state I’m in
One little thing can completely pull me down
Not knowing how to deal with it
Feeling like in everything, I will drown
I feel like the world is too much for me to handle
So much pressure, which I can’t take right now
But with no one to talk to, no one who sees
I don’t see a way how
How can I ever life a normal life
Without being able to life with myself?
Do I even want to, am I able to
All I do now is hide further behind my shelf
I’m scared of living, of all the pain it brings
Protecting myself by pulling away
Scared I’ll never be able to handle normal daily life
I give up, and I have no desire to stay
Everything is a struggle, everything is so damn hard
Just being around people is draining my soul
I can’t see the way out of this mess
I’m broken, and I fear I’ll never be whole
Just an endless circle, every single day
Just making it through is a difficult thing
With all the stuff going on inside my head
I cannot see what the future will bring
Will it be like this forever?
The suicidal thoughts, obsessed by eating and my weight
The fear of living, not wanting to deal with it
Living, every single day, with a person that I hate
Already broken, outside as well as in
Hating everything I am, what I do
Making more wounds, every single day
Not feeling better, the opposite is true
And talking about it, that’s what they tell me to do
But the therapist doesn’t have the time
How can they expect me to feel better
When I’m not even near feeling fine
That non-suicidal contract, just rip it apart
You can’t expect me to stay alive
When there is nobody to help or listen to me
While they know I’m suicidal and have no strength left for this strive
I just don’t know what to do anymore
With myself, my life and everyone I know
Every moment occupied with thoughts
Making me wish I could give up, and go
Hoping for the time, I’ll finish what I started
That an attempt will finally succeed
To have found the rest and peace I’m looking or
Because that is what I now need
I know, I should not give up
I should fight and live my life
But I don’t see a way, or know if I’m able
And I’m tired, too tired, to continue this endless strive