Heaven and hell
You don’t know who I am
I don’t know what I am
I’m not feeling well
When I go through my personal hell
I can survive hell
But I can’t survive heaven so it has to mean
I am a demon
I just have to be the devil in disguise
When you see me, there is no doubt that my entire body is dead cold
I can’t change myself and all my feelings that I feel
I feel how I feel inside
Even if I sometimes try to act
Tough and joyful at the outside
My thoughts and feelings in me
It consumes me from the inside
I am my best friend
So I walk alone in the world
The only road I know
But at the same time
The person in the mirror is my worst enemy
I let myself be corrupted by my own personal demons
He has let me seen and made it perfectly clear
I don’t belong here in this world
In this life
My life lies with the spirits of the past
When I turn in a forgotten memory
I know that there has to be something missing for me
Like I was born but I wasn’t completed though
Like you buy a long awaited action figurine
But the batteries aren’t included
And when you go back to the store
The answer they say is
“Sorry man, they don’t make those batteries anymore”
That’s just like how I feel
Searching something
I have lost
But not knowing what I lost
Maybe
I can pray with all my crucifixes surrounding me to the seven heavens above
But I’m afraid that I am so crazy now
That not even God himself can save me anymore now
I hate myself for doing this
I want to say
“I had a hard life and that’s why my heart is broken and my soul is bleeding wounded”
But I don’t have a clue why I am depressed
I have raised a wall of six feet thick around my heart
So now nothing can penetrate my heart
And buried my life in a hole of another six feet deep
And that is why I break every form of social contact
When I walk alone and see all happy people
Happy couples multiplying due to love
And the combination of two lives
Then it is for me
Perfectly clear to me
That I truly don’t belong here
I can deal with the curse
That becomes a decision
That I will never have
No life and love
Who needs personnel luck and joy and happiness anyway?!
I just want to die
And hope nobody cares for me
Nobody cries for the nobody
There is a confession
I have to make
And I need to confess
I think I know what I miss
To make me happy again
Cause I already have experienced
Perfect happiness
And that time is the best memory alive
But
I can’t say it face to face
To the person I miss so much
Because I don’t want to make her feel bad
Or worried about me
I don’t need attention
I hope she lives her life
To the point of her dreamed life
And take and hold it forever
I can never tell her
I care so much about her
Love her
Miss her
Want to be with her
I just hope she knows that I always love her
Even if she doesn’t love me anymore
That doesn’t change the feelings I feel for her
So now I have broken myself down again
It’s time to go back in the night
And to heal myself again
Like the burning phoenix I am