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   Imprisoned in Me
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27 augustus 2001 Stuur e-mail Alle gedichten bekijken van deze schrijver
Verdriet / Eenzaamheid / Geen Thema


Imprisoned in Me
I search for peace
Happiness
Escaping me

Struggling
With despair
To break down walls in me
Days pass by
My life away
Until the end is nigh

Inner peace
So out of reach
Money cannot buy
The one thing
I want desperately
To turn around my life

Clasping any hint of help
Try unburden
This restless soul
So wandering aimless
Out of reach
My one ultimate goal

Spirit awakens
Mind at ease
Body a mere shell
Between these
Such a struggle lives
Keeping me in that cell

Imprisoned in me
Consumed with fear
The future no respite
As time goes by
Pondering
The reason why

Solutions not forthcoming
The question so unclear
What is the path
Where is the way
That leads me out of here

The mind in this an enemy
Conflicting with itself
Scattering of energy
Eager to emerge
From walls of instability
The road is never straight

The moon, the stars, the sun
Are friends
They light the path from far
Yet they appear within my soul
Do not open doors

Free as a bird
The world my home
All roads open wide
No limits on my wanderings
Except the ones inside

Inside of me a pressure builds
How to release the steam
When someone holds the lid so tight
And that someone may be me

All earthly things material
Not here to shed relief
Come and go
will fade away
and none but me
here to stay

I meet myself
In every nook
With every step I take
I find that I have company
Impossibly
I wish to run
From me
Run far away

I look upon the mortal me
Distant from afar
And want to help
That aching soul
But never can
As we are always one

I'd like to lend
A guiding hand
To help the little girl
The girl that is inside of me
Help her on her way
Unstuck in time
She once became
I think now
It's too late

Conditioned
By genes and blood
Shaped in younger years
To suffer now eternally
And soldier on
Floods of unheard tears

Inside my prison
Me and her
Neither very strong
To help another
Shed a light
On how to move from here

Together yet so all alone
Inside the walls unseen
Nor understood nor heard
For what's not perceived
In this world's eyes
Does not exist at all

This world this life
So beautiful
But something so amiss
That happiness
Won't touch me here
Just one more thing Outside

The outside none but a dream
Until the key is turned
The door, the lock
Not far to go
Miles or but an inch
But fact remains
The door is closed
Trapping me within

The key alas
Is in myself
Do not know where to look
Search corners of my very core
Each room of being me
Deep inside my very soul
Beyond
The lights are dim
The body old
Running out of time

Fatigue, despair
In search of keys
While life passes me by
Wandering aimless
No-man's land
I am neither here
Nor there

Precious time
Sweet life of mine
I long so to embrace
All that life has given me
Be grateful
And elate

Lucky for most every thing
Uniqueness, many gifts
Grateful from my bed at night
Apologise each time
That brains nor beauty
Compensate
For what is not yet mine

Ability or guiding light
To find what I still search
I know what's wrong
But cannot mend
With all my tools
What is the broken link

Perhaps it was not there
when I evolved
Or stolen during time
Unfair
Silent despair
Lonely uphill fight
That should not be mine

Mind over matter
Try to beat
The curse upon my soul
Time goes on
I now believe
This fight cannot be won

A power forceful
Weighs on me
My shoulders are too small
For now
I cope
Soldier on
But do not know how long

Body drained
Soul deplete
The mind it carries all
Energy just sips away
Raging against time

No telling how much left in there
The fuel gauge defect
Just filling up
With what seems right
Hoping for the best

Till one day soon
The engine fails
Rejecting what is fed
This endless space
Dry, bare of life
When what it needs
I fail to see
Resulting in neglect

A timeless search
Uncertain how
Or when or what I'll find
Perhaps now is the time to say
Admit defeat
Hide away
Let come what may
Don't feed don't search
Let be what be

Worse than struggle
Perhaps would be
Surrendering to walls
That formed within
Or always were
Beyond control
My problem now to solve

Surrendering without a fight
And let all else resolve
Exactly that
Would be a waste
Of what I am today
A game so cruel
How can I know
The rules
And how to play

Challenge or destiny
How do I approach
This life of mine
With not one guide
To help or play
The game of life
Where is the light

Where to start
Time is short
The fuel tank near dry
Much easier to think
That I was a mistake
Not meant to be
Accident of fate

Should not be here
Not making sense
Nothing but a waste
Of time and space
Why do I try
Why bother fight
A game I'm bound to lose
Winning not the aim
And not enjoying play

I want to quit, withdraw
Hide
Cheating is unfair
To make my mark is not allowed
Obstacles too great
Yet if the walls
Are in myself
Then surely they can break

Oh how
Oh what
Oh when will come
The answers that I seek
The prison's here
That's all I know
Of that I'm sure
One certainty
When else is just a haze

Adapt myself
Within these walls
Or trying to break free
Both equally impossible
What to chose
Crossroads abound
Always confusing me

Try as I might
Each new day
Daybreaks graced on me
Choices hard
So I do both
Or none
Just cannot see

Wish on wish
I hope to see
A clue, direction, sign
Where to go from here
I search and search
Fail to find
What is possibly so near

The answer is in me they say
The further that I run
More wasted of my energy
On what cannot be done

Covering miles
I walk the earth
All conscious steps I take
No answers
still are coming forth
I Fail in my escape

Many fears
I have embraced
Challenges I met
Widened far
My comfort zone
Lived life in all its depth
Emerged in cultures alien
Mingled, listened, learnt
Wiser, better, different now
Yet never ceased to yearn

To find this one elusive thing
This thing called inner peace
The ends of earth
Within my reach
But what I want
Most to achieve
Beyond horizons
Out of reach

Digested as I have this fate
Adapted to the walls
Screaming kicking every breath
Inside explode, rebel

More than a beating heart
I need
Peace, quietude and calm
Still waters in my mind
Peace within
Me and myself
Unified as one
United body, mind and soul
In harmony
complete
Free spirit I would be

Smile and shine
To light the path
For others also lost
Power, strength
Shoulders wide
Be all that I can be

Love and waken
Every thing
Each being on my way
No matter what is done to me
No matter what is said
Escape unhurt, intact
Inner light
Will guide the way

The beauty of this world I could
Embrace with due respect
Smell and taste
Hear and see
All senses open wide
New adventures each new sun
For being as I am

When all is one
And one is all
My being is a part
Of all in this great universe
A tiny form of life

Why worry then
About the walls
When all I am is dust
To fade away
Blown in the wind
What difference does it make

It's just that on a smaller scale
I do not yet belong
Waking spirituality
Points at what is wrong
Cannot change
What's deep inside

All that remains
Decision time
Choosing
Run or fight

Imprisoned in me
I search for peace
Happiness
Relief from me

Inner peace
Please set me free


- Yo -

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 Jo Aelmans corner
Maandag, mei 06, 2002 03:28 Alle gedichten bekijken van deze schrijver
Goh! Yo, je gedichten zijn PRACHTIG!!! Ben blij dat je één kans open gelaten hebt voor mij om dit aan jou door te geven. In het vervolg zal ik niet meer reageren, omdat je dat schijnbaar niet wilt. En daar heb ik respect voor....

Groetjes, Yo!

Jo. ;o)x
 
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