Ever since the gang
I'm confused
About the difference
Between Love and Friendship
So now I feel
Happy
For having good friends
In love
Or at least so it feels
But is it real?
Can it?
Would it?
Am I able to feel love?
I thought I could
But then you guys came along
So now I’m
Confused
Don’t know what feelings I have anymore
Don’t know what feelings I had before
If this is friendship
Then how does love feels like?
If this is love
Could it be then that this is the first?
How will I know?
How can I?
How do I get it straight?
For myself
Without hurting others
Their feelings
Their thoughts
What to do?
Don’t want to hurt
Them
Myself
You
I’m so fucking confused
Don’t want to confuse you to
Hope it’s not to late
Don’t be confused because of me
I can’t help hurting myself anymore
From the inside
My mind
Can’t control it anymore
What do I feel
All this confusion tearing me apart
Making me sad
I start crying
Because I love
I think
Or like
Want to run away from myself
Far away
To a safe place
Is there a safe place?
Where is it?
How do I find it?
Can I get there?
Only question to be made
No answers to find
Someone help me out of this misery
Can’t anyone hear me scream?
Deep down inside
Only me and myself
Fighting each other
Fighting my feelings
Breaking everything I thought I knew
Everything I felt
All falls apart
Even the left pieces keep breaking up
My head keeps dividing everything
Will it ever stop?
Will at least for once know what I am?
Who I am?
What I feel?
Why do I cry?
I cry and I don’t now the reason
Don’t now who I cry for
There has to be a reason
Right?
I’m broken
Someone pick me up from the ground
Heal me
Love me
Really need love this time
More then ever before
But then again
How will I recognize it?
Show me real love
I must know
How does it feels?
Just want at least for once
Touch the feeling called love
So that at least
I will KNOW how it feel
So I can decide what I felt
What I’ve been through
And where I’m going
What my choices are
Do I need to choose?
Can it be
That I’m just filled with too much love
Too much love to give away
So much that
I can’t to everyone I would like to
The way I feel now
Is like
I just love a lot of people
But society says only to love one
Why?
Why can’t I love all I want?
Why does the world have to be so difficult
I wish
That everyone I felt love
The way I think that feeling was meant to be
That I could just say it to them
So how much I need them
How much I think of them
How I can’t live without
But if I really would do that
They wouldn’t understand
They would say I’m insane
I must choose one
Why?
What’s wrong with loving more
Loving all people who deserve love
And if I won’t
If I just tell them to be best friends
Then wouldn’t I be lying to myself?
Lying to my heart
These thoughts so fucking hurt me
Ripping my soul
Ripping my heart
Make me want to get out
Get out of this damn hell
Get out of this constant pain
Get out of this life
But I won’t
I refuse to give up on life
There’s more to life then love
But why then does it hurt so much?
Why must we men
Be so self-aware
That even when we know what our hearts say
We can’t follow
Because we keep saying to ourselves
It’s wrong
Are we then doomed?
Doomed to keep wandering
Only hurting ourselves
In the most painful way possible
Even bleeding would harm less
And I refuse again
I refuse to bleed
To hurt myself THAT way
I rather die inside
Leaving my body to however wants it
Killing my mind
My soul
But wouldn’t that be lying to myself?
Where’s the truth to be found?
Where do I belong?
Have to stop this feeling
The more I think about it
The more I try to find a way
The more I hurt myself
It only makes it harder
And poems?
They can’t even help me this time
I tried with this one
And see what happened
I can’t stop
The further it grows
The more pain
Sedate me
Safe my fucked up life
Show me love
And if none of that works
Kill me
For I can’t myself
Get me out
Till there’s nothing left
But one light
One sounds
And then nothing anymore
No more thoughts
No more pains
Nothing
But death
Bye
(men langste gedicht ooit tot nu toe, geschreven in tot nu toe een van men geestelijk slechtste momenten, maar ben er ondertussen over)