I have to admit I was a little scared. After all this time, would you think it weird? So many times I wanted to reach out to you, but I was afraid. Afraid of what you might think of me. I couldn't handle you being disappointed in me. I guess I have always wondered if you were mad at me. Mad for abandoning you at the worst possible time. For leaving without a single word. I did try to explain myself and wrote down the words I've been longing to say for such a long time.
I knew you would respond, but I couldn't quite estimate how you would feel. How you would react. And then you told me you were moved by my words. You regret my decision, but you understand the choice I had to make. And you miss me, as I miss you.
But my gift and my words were meant for both of you. And you remained silent. You usually wear your heart on your sleeve. At times you can be brutally honest, but I love you for it. So your silence hurt. Not knowing your thoughts hurt. Until one of your friends showed me what you wrote to them. How amazed you were by my gift. What a sweet and wonderful person I am. How emotional it made you feel. I don't know why you're not able to tell me this yourself. But I honestly don't care. Maybe you need some time, as did I.
I thought I would feel happy and relieved. And believe me, I do. But I mostly feel a deep sadness. You were collateral damage. The family I didn't want to say goodbye to. And until yesterday I didn't realize just how much I miss both of you.