What’s the use
Of knowing this is wrong
But doing the opposite
Waiting for help, hoping it will be gone
Know this isn’t going well
But it feels so good
Why stop it, when I feel better
Without any food
For a few days I’ve tried
To eat normal, and it worked out
Gained weight
And that’s why I’m going on without
Don’t want to gain weight anymore
It makes me feel so fat and weak
Why continue to eat
When it’s a good feeling that I seek
I already feel really down
And eating doesn’t help to fade that feeling
Especially when I’m gaining weight
To stop it again sounds really appealing
Knowing I can lose weight
I’ve been there before, I will be there again
Just have to have control
And return to where I was then
I felt better at that time
I want to feel that good once more
Knowing I can do it
Just don’t eat anymore
It’s not that hard, really it isn’t
I’m doing it for quite some time now
Just had a moment where I thought eating would make it better
But I don’t see how
My feelings aren’t lying
They are telling the truth to me
Stop eating, feel better
That’s the reality I see
Alright, I know this isn’t good
But I don’t care, I don’t want to feel like this
And I know what makes me feel better
That’s just the way it is
But then again
People are watching me
Controlling my every move
Why don’t they just let me be?
Watching my weight
To control me somehow
Why, so they can see I’m fat
And don’t have any control right now?
I won’t let them
Said I don’t want them to do that
That I had enough of all of this
All the people trying to ‘help’, it’s making me mad
Wanting me to get some help
I don’t see the rush in that
If it really was that serious like they’re saying
It wouldn’t take this long, they won’t just forget
One small part of me
Is seeing the bad side
But I’m trying really hard
To shut that voice up inside
No I won’t eat
Even though I promised to try
I did, I felt worse
So why continue, I’d rather die
The control
I need to get that back once more
So that I can see again
What I’m doing it all for