Warm falls the rain upon my face
But it aint real
And I feel sorrow
But it would warm up my heart
Give fire life again
Why can’t I be what I must be?
Why don’t I know what I must see?
What am I?
And with this all
The night begins
I hear a voice
It screams
And sings
The moon only sets free
Emotions to my heart
Not the mindless thoughts I have
And thoughts I do have
Some are cruel
Others sweet and nice
But it aint the cruel ones I fear
The sweet and nice ones I know
I may not have
Why would I live?
Life is a bastard of the sun
And it has water
To fall
The sun can dry my tears
While earth makes a few more
I can't say I understand
For I do not
I never did
And the wolf cries
And the eagle flies
Away
From home
From gone
I have been lots
And still
I am nothing
Suicide is a though
Murder
And the grass calls my name
As I do not see
Why I am called murder
I only breathe the air that surrounds me
I only eat dead bodies
As I should
For I am in this cycle of life
May I see the stars tonight?
Or is it forbidden ones again?
Am I caged in this humanistic world?
Is there no part in me?
Animal
No more??
You must see I am
And I cannot bear to live in a cage
Scarred by everything
Yet nothing is here
I can cry
And I might scream
But why would I if you put on yr earphones
You listen to her voice again
She’s singing about
Everything
She wrote about
Must I keep silent than?
Knowing if I am
You gain more power
For this seems like I was willing
And willing I must be
But I am unaware
And insecure
Yet I am supposed to be mature
I linger
And I forgot why I do so
Everything is so full alive
Yet it all dies or is dead already
I miss some friends
I know I do
But tell me
Master
Why do I wanna hurt them so much?
Why do I hurt them so badly?
And do I really?
I forgot
Ones again
I want rain
Falling on my naked body
While screaming and crying and laughing and dancing
It must be a big storm
And I would like it to be warm
For I do not wanna feel cold
I am cold in my heart already
This is a long ‘poem’
But I need to put my thoughts on paper
I did not even realise what I did till I got here
And I have trouble to stop
But stop I must
For this is like a sick sick sick stupid voice in my mind
And I do not want to be free
I do not
But I do want more freedom
But I refuse
To lose all I have
Even now when my heart is in pain
And I know this aint physic
It is in the brain
And I will be caged
For my whole life
But I guess I chose for it
As we all did
But I call to my friends
And I call to the ones I love
Do not leave me alone
And I am alone
Come back some time in the future
Come sit with me in the corner
Talking about
How we did those weird things
In the past
Talking about
What we will do next
For a next there is to come
I must drown into this water
I must burn off my skin by the sun’s heat
Lose control
Even more then I did now
I’m sure you’ll stick out yr hand to save me
For I would do the same
Call it naive
Call it faith
Call it what you know it must be called by
I shall stop here
I shall be quiet till I talk again
To you
I hope
The persons I have in mind right now
Will know to who I call
I’m going
I’m running away again
Not of trouble
I don’t have them as hard
But to lose my sighs
My dreams
My fears
My friends
Across the ocean
I must say nothing
But write I did
Or wrote
Or yelled
Or called again my fears that I was trying to lose
But losing THEM I dont really want
For they are part of me
And I shall seek no further in my heart or brain
I went to far already
I feel sadness and yet it aint sadness
It is happyness
And faith that makes me feel sorrow
For my own blindness