Emergency phone, home


I saw you
Insecure
Afraid
Wanting me

I couldn’t help
That I sought to help you
I knew no one else would

It became my private duty
That is how I underwent
Your touch and kisses
That felt like torment

I’ve learnt to split
Body and mind
It’s hard to do
Doesn’t happen kind

I pledged myself
I wouldn’t fail
You needed to outgrow
That unwanted sorrow
And those doubts
That held you down
Leaving you
Alone
To drown

I felt sick
But they didn’t have to know
And above all,
You must think: I did enjoy

I told the one that held such threat
To break the new strength in your head
Making it “ineffective crime”
Having me cracked, round the corner, in no time
I couldn’t knew, she’d take it such a sin
That this would just be the begin

Friends didn’t understand
My inner demand
Friends did not trust
What was hidden under dust
They couldn’t know, why I did what I did
But their judging’s really hit
And I could not afford to lose the mask I wore
So I accepted sadly my new title as whore

There is no point in telling
When one can not be understood
See:
He fell in love with me
Gave me a place to stay
And made it my task
I did what I had to do
Wearing a very thick mask


If I had known how soon everything would collapse
I would have ignored his call for help
But I know what it is
To live as dead
And knowing
It’s in your head
I saw this as the only solution around
There was no other to be found
I did not realise how hard I’d hurt
But I can’t rewind that flying bird
And all the things that made it worse
Made it seem a very bad curse
It’s my own fault
I’ll take the burden
But don't start hating me now
For trying to kill his sorrow
Would only make things appalling
And I’d go back to hate, not caring

He didn’t knew
So I cannot be mad at him
For wanting
And thinking I wanted him to
I knew
He would not see
So I allowed him to break me open
To re-scar me
Make me broken
To open those wound guys had made in me before
But this time I opened that door


I accept




JV: I’m so sorry, I love you, you opened my eyes.

TM: I’m sorry for letting him go after you, but at least we know now, his full character. I did not make it worse. But when he broke me it broke his mask, sometimes you dont ask. When i left he cracked, refused to see that the door to enjoy life was still open. He closed that door, and wanted more. I can only show a door after all, he had to go through himself. He did not. He choose to run after ghosts. Sry for the hell I putted you in. Indirectly it is my fault.

TdG: I tried to save your face and his new strength, but you only saw a slut, I don’t blame you, but you could’ve give me a change to explain JV myself, why I did it.. He did not had to hear it out of yr mouth, it was not a joke, and you’ve hurt me much, but I can understand yr point of view. and thank you for it cause it made me realise.., it showed me... that no one would truly understand.



JV,
I love you.
YOU.
Not him, not someone else.
And I certainly did not do it to hurt you,
I never thought that far...
I only saw his pain and knew that noone helped him
That he would not allow anyone but me to try.
That was my view.
I am sorry.
Now I need you above all to forgive me
cuz I cannot forgive myself for hurting you, my love, my heart, my world.


I can be a fool at times
Very stupid
Oh and I did fail..after all... but there are more important things in life than messing with others.



You don't have to believe me...