My dearest old friend, my betrayer, raper,
Almost an era has past, still I am haunted
Not daring to tell my truth, not even on paper
If I only knew your thoughts, what you wanted
Longing each day to break the silence
Tears running down deep in my morbid soul
Please tell me, does this make any sense?
Most I pay for my weakness, is this my toll?
I miss you, I want to know how you feel
Still reading the words “I hate you” in my mind
One simple sentence will do, for me to know what’s real
I beg you, cry for you, torture is the only thing I can find
I will not argue who to blame, because I know I am the sinner
Not strong enough to fight my memories, insanity, my past
I don’t expect you to understand my mind, my inner
I don’t want forgiveness, or any spell worthy to cast
The only thing I wish, please listen to my final words
Too you, hoping you want to see my real being
No angel or demon, disgusting her way with swords
Poisoned by her lies and god’s deceive, truth not seeing
You might think I am hell’s sent, demon’s whore
Believe me when I say I don’t deserve real love
But you took the only thing that was still pure
My untouched soul, virgin silver light, white dove
I didn’t want to hurt you, you were most precious to me
But I wasn’t strong enough to fight against my memories
Hypnotized by my being I fear the most, creature I hate to be
Charlus reign and rape by heaven and hell, left me with silent cries
I want to forget you but my soul gives me no peace
Longing for your answer to my question, yet afraid
Sacrificing so many things because of this cold disease
I need to know if you are okay, hoping it is not too late
I want to hate you but I can’t, I even grieve
For the lost of my friend, I don’t know what to do
Just a few words from you, and then I will leave
Staring at the serene full moon, thinking of you