Prayer


Sometimes I think of a forest
its dark
but peaceful
never really quiet
but you don't hear hellish sounds

Sometimes I look out at a shore
and see the ocean
swirling around me
in me

I dream that
next to me
a dragonfly will zoom
I have honey on my cheek

Sometimes I
don't want to be here
I want to run
faster than I ever could
I want to scream
into the sky
but I don't want to hear
the sound that should be heard as if
I'd scream in water

when I think of you
and yours
I get confused

This will of me
my heart
my greed
is yearning
for your touch
but I know very well
I'd burn myself

Sometimes I think of a life
A voice speaking to me
A voice that claims
power
peace
perfection
honor
yes I'd get honor

but I don't know
where to go
which road to run
which air to scream
what to scream
why I'd scream
for delivery
when all I have to do is
make peace to myself
forgive myself
for all I've done and will do
for all the times I hurt

Sometimes I think I'm smart
and wise
and mature enough to take over
take control over
my own life
Most often I'm not sure

Sometimes I want to live
most of the time I'm not sure
if I can

I feel empty
dull
sore
worn
deleted out of existence
but what is that anyways

I want to give up
But I'm afraid what that could bring me

I'll carry a thorn in my heart
so I don't break apart
I'll sing to the dirt
while I'll
honor the mother
and ask her
to guide me
for finding strength which I know
lives in me
deep in me
somewhere

I miss you so
but I dare not to hope
I dare not to wish
I dare not to want
but I cannot forget you
I cannot not do this
when you are near
and gone again
I'll make a decision
when I come of age
till than I'll suffer doubts
take me high tonight darling
for it might be the last time

but maybe
sometimes
well you never know

you are my god and I love you so
and whatever decisions I'll make
I know I chose
and none did that for me.

Mother
give me thy strength
give me my own strength
and give me a key
to unlock only one door
not two.

I beg you