You can say I don’t have feelings!
You can say I don’t love you!
But you’re not there every time I’m sad.
You’re not there when my tears are shed.
Maybe it’s you that don’t have feelings, but I do.
Do you think it doesn’t hurt when I lie to you?
Don’t you think it hurts after yelling at you?
Don’t you think keeping secrets is hard?
Didn’t know this would happen from the start.
But please don’t treat me like that.
Acting like I’m bad
Can’t do nothing about it
Just fell in love sorry for that.
I know I’m just a kid, but I can’t help it.
We don’t even have a mother-daughter relationship.
Is this what you planned when I was lying in my crib?
So tell me how?
How will we solve this?
What, what is it that we miss?
You keep blaming it on me.
Don’t say no.
Cause I know.
See it at the way you act and the way you treat me.
What?
Is that the way you want me to see?
Who I’m supposed to be?
I don’t know who I am!
Cause of all the shit that has been thrown at me.
Problems and more problems.
Don’t even remember all the good things.
So please shut up.
Stop telling me I don’t have feelings.
Because I feel so much, but the only thing is that I’m hiding it!
Let me live my life.
Let me make my choices.
Because the way you’re acting, doesn’t help me with nothing.
It just brings me to the ground.
You know what!
I’m sorry I don’t always listen to the things coming out of your mouth.
But maybe you should listen to me once.
Maybe you’ll get to learn me better.
Maybe you’ll see the person I turned in to.
I don’t want to cry no more
Don’t want to wish to die no more!
So call me selfish
Say the deepest shit!
But I’ll try not to cry any more!!!
I’m just sick of being depressive.
Sick of crying in class.
Never thought I would bring personal stuff to school.
But I shed so many tears
I really feel like a fool.
Don’t feel good no more.
So why?
Why, do you want to take away my boy?
The one who makes me feel good.
The one who supports me so much!
Maybe we should talk.
But I’m sick of talking, because I know it won’t work.
It’ll turn into a disaster.
A catastrophe!
I won’t be the one to save it.
I’ll just leave and try to forget.
Sometimes I say: One can forgive, but one can’t forget.
But now I’m feeling like I can’t forgive and that I can’t forget.
God I’m sorry for my bad thoughts, but I can’t help it.
Can’t anybody see how hurt I am inside?
Can’t they see how many times I cry?
God please get me out of this, but don’t, please don’t take away my boy.
I know I’m acting against a lot of rules.
I have my reasons and my feelings.
See how many times I write!
People ask me why.
It’s because I can’t keep telling my feelings.
Because I see it isn’t working.
Nobody cares.
So why keep on telling if the solution isn’t going to be there.
Why keep on sharing if I’m so scared.
I always dream of a nice year and a nice life.
But every single year I had problems.
Tried to solve them.
But the solutions usually turned into a broken heart.
Is this how my life is going to be for ever?
Are these the last tears I’ll ever have to shed?
Or will there be more?
I’m sick of all these questions I keep on asking!
Cause I don’t have the answer for them.
Nobody has.
When?
When will this shit end?
Will it end after having my first child?
Will it end when I start working?
Will it end when I live on my own or when I’m married?
Will it end when I’m dead lying in my coffin?
So many questions!
And none of them will be answered until this isn’t over.
But my hope and my faith are getting less and less.
I need salvation!
Don’t know where to get it!
I really need it before it’s too late.
Before there is nothing left to safe.
But when will that be?
How will I see?
That there is noting left to safe.
There are more of me!
Girls who have been true the same things like me.
But I think the choices they made
Are different than mine!
Cause look how many trouble I’m in!
So much that I can’t solve
Only because I fell in love!
After we talked after the conversation turned in to a disaster.
Just like I said a catastrophe.
I cried and I cried.
The one that made me stop crying the one who gave me hope.
The one set my heart free.
That was my boy.
The boy you speak badly about, the one you don’t trust.
I know it’s hard to except what I’m doing.
But just understand how this feels like.
How much this hurts me.
I’m not choosing him above you.
I’m just trying to make sure that you know where I’m at all the time.
Who I’m with and what I do.
So don’t get mad when I lie.
Don’t be sad and cry.
Because you don’t except it, so that’s why I’ll keep on doing it secretly.
I’m sorry, so sorry.
For real!
Believe me I am!
But I can’t keep on crying and asking you
Something that you won’t do!
I want us to be good like mother and daughter.
Talking and laughing.
Telling you my feelings for him and for everything
Getting together.
Going out like a mother and a daughter.
How difficult is that?
It’s not my fault and it’s not up to me.
So please work this out with me.
Let me stay with him.
Don’t take him away.
If we aren’t meant to be together God will set us apart.
But please don’t do this, because I won’t be able to take this from my own mother.
I always thought I could go to my mother and tell her these feelings, but you know what!
I think I was wrong about it, cause look how my dad is.
I’m sorry I’m saying this!
I know it hurts you when I say stuff like that about my dad.
But isn’t that the truth.
Look how much I got to go true just to see him.
Come on can’t you just let me do this.
I promise you I’ll look out, but just give me a chance.
I’m sick off crying, for real
Let me smile with you and him, without having to cry inside.
Look how I’m doing at school.
Don’t I deserve something different?
I want to love him, without having to cry or being worried that we’ll never have a good chance to be together.
I really dream everyday.
About me and him just happy, cause you excepted us.
We’re so happy together.
If it was for me to choose our love would keep going.
And I wouldn’t have to cry, because off the things you do!
Don’t you see this breaks me?
I’m sorry that I’m acting strange against you, but I’m seeing that you’re the only one that doesn’t except my love for him and his love for me.
Please don’t treat me like this.
Let us, please let our love be.
LET IT BE!!!!
I pray every night for you to see.
What this is doing to me.
And that I really need your approval.
I always close my door, turn down the lights and break down and cry.
Tell me why!
Why are you doing this to me?
I know you love me and I love you too!
But this isn’t the way to show your love is true!
Help me!
LET IT BE!!!
I need this.
I’m so sure about this.
I think I know what I’m doing.
Please JUST LET IT BE!!!
Hold me into your arms and tell me how you feel.
Let me tell you how I feel.
Can’t we do something about this?
Let us get close.
I want to stop worrying.
I want to stop crying.
Please let us talk once like normal people do.
Let me show you how much I love you.
I’m so sorry for everything.
Sorry for all the times I jelled, all the times I lied and all the things I said.
Momma I really love you.