stuck in my mind
The torture comes,
when your mom is in trouble,
when you want to give it your all,
but in helping her you stumble.
To realise that this is something i can not prevent,
that i have no energy left to spend,
to bring her back when she's delusional inside,
to talk to her when she's full of fright.
The support itself is no problem,
but the emotional connection is one,
i can not spend every minute in my mind,
paying attention to the sounds at home, too long.
To make sure that things are going ok,
to make sure that my mom is not losing herself,
and when things do turn to bad,
to check if her decisions of whatever are the safer half.
To intervene when things come into play,
to distrust her judgement pains me to say,
it´s so damn hard to rely on a mother who,
is sometimes delusional too.
It´s not constant,
it´s been fine for months,
januari was the big bang,
though in my mind that was pang!
I lost it in april,
burning out like i did,
i can´t easily return to where i was,
i just have to wait and sit.
it's just too much,
i merely want peace,
but in my mind its chaotic,
its tense without release.
I love life, i truly do,
i just can't wait until,
the reasons re-appear too.
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| Auteur: Pure Love |  
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| Gecontroleerd door: | ||
| Gepubliceerd op: 09 augustus 2007 | ||
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