i hate myself for not asking you,
why,
i hate myself for not understanding it,
i hate the why i wasn't there for you,
I hate it that i i'm not there now.
I hate the things i do,
Just to do something,
but i hate it isn't with you,
i hate to open my eyes in the morning,
to see, i'm not laying next to you.
I hate that i don't know where you are,
i hate it,
cause i really love to be there for you.

I hate myself for all the stupid actions i had,
I hate myself for distrusting my true self,
I hate myself for in so many ways.
but the most thing i hate myself for,
Is that i was so goddamm stupid,

Why...
Why didn't i fight back,
why i only felt sad and turned my back to you,
why,
I hate it,
so goddamm much.

I pray for forgiveness,
I pray i could back in time,
to do it all over,
But that time is gone,
I had it, but i won't make those mistakes again,
Cause i hate myself for that.

I hate the thoughts not being there for you,
i hate my life, i'm always doing wrong,
and later i hate it that i did wrong,
I hate that i shut myself down,
Why, i don't know,
the only thing i do know,
Is that i still love you,
and not hating that.

I hate myself for being so childish,
I'm thankful that you made me realize so many things.
I'm thankful that you are on my mind,
every day, and every night.
You know, it isn't that i'm blaming you.
i blaming myself,
also my last poem,i wasn't blaming you on anything,
i only blame myself,
cause it is all my fault,
And i hate myself for that.
I'm so sorry,
but you know, it ain't over,
i will fight to make it up with you,
to make things right,
so i don't have to hate myself,
and we can laugh about it,
together.

I hate it that i was scared to hurt your feelings,
But i'm not anymore,
You know i was scared for life,
i only ran away to safe places,
to smoke a joint and to feel happy.
but i never understood that i was just afraid,
to live.

I'm not afraid any more,
thanks to you,
I hate myself for what i was,
But i love you for who i have become.
I know i'm a better person now,
I know i'm still a little afraid,
but that is because i don't know,
where you are,
how you are doing,
and yes i hate that,
i don't want to be scared any more.

so please forgive me,
Let us celebrate my birthday,
together,
just you and me,
and i promise you, we would be laughing of all the thing have happened.

I only love you,
and you know its true.
and i don't hate my love,
i hate that i care for people,
but i only want to care for you.
someone else will take care for other people, i'm here for you,
and i'll fight i can be here as long as god wants me,
to be here for you.

I want to make it all up with you,
I hate myself in so many ways,
Most of all,
cause i need you in my life,
and i messed it all up.
it is my fault,
i just know it is.
goddamm.