[third person singular]

(I wasn't 'there' when and don't know if they are to much) I only know that my promise where-from the emotions took place I've burned with lava with platinum molded stick – upon my heart, no exceptions, never. I kiss my ring every day, dedicated to my family and my eternal candle of light towards a future, in a future and to believe in the future. That my actions did sorrow I can refuse in any way I can't let them make other suffer of my sorrows when my suffer was my decision and although I drowned in misery, that doesn't make me have the rights to the day that hell unleashed it ultimate struggle. I can't let it be unseen those frantic eyes, with the death the pitch of black I felt into the love I saw who where staring beyond my eyes of horror It was such all to tears to the heart lowering down and down when the punches out of panic hitting the mind, scrap and scratching the skin to impulse life. Smashing the panic to stay with them. I only could see, fading.. waking.. fading. Fading.....the eyes piercing...fading
and woke up

When from that point it was going beyond anything of pure loathing, pure of fear filth and rotting to pieces into a isolation dark-room, I held hostage for 2 weeks dark, non stop.. nobody knew anything to do, no hospital, no clinic nowhere in our country had any knowledge to and made it somewhat less horror.. Its protocol was just; wait and let 'it' be cause if given to much meds and died they had broken its strict leading-to-follow protocol so couldn’t/didn't do.. As they where scared I was.. there.. 2 weeks no sleep, every 2 hours some 'guise' to let the 'ticker' to keep ticking. In a psychoses and understanding the 2 hour 'this keeps you alive' in such state of mind in probably the worst kind of place to be in. 2 or 5min Valium a day, was like an extra know it get worse to better a 00,1 piece of physical pain and mental total its lost in fear..
I know it's any once consolation in those settings to know that its protocol can and in almost every western country, is set an a dosed 100 up to 200 mg of Valium a day + the guise every 2 hours to make it bearable in the worst state in its effect..

My hyper sensitivity with all those extreme psychic abilities, in normal state of mind, made it in those black conditions.... a totally pitch of insanity. I loathed my own filth of failure, it's disgusting face of guild and a most hated guy in the world pushing every second the 'loath' button on the earth with billions at the time. Flashing red gore of the world in disgust of the worst person every lived and serving lifetime of rotting in pieced while the game was on to control and snap my spine, torture nerves, putting pictures in my mind (unbearable a putrid pixel) infected me x million of deceases till me skin fell of, my brain rotting in liquid trough my nose, fired tiny pin needles with helicopter a thousands at once – no place to hide and my back.. was in open flesh and snapped spines so needed to face it. *the isolation was sound proof, nobody... yea uh , pure to total silence screamed out loud, squeaking every tone, in every hole and bounced back of the sound in double to fours to sixteenth etc... till it burst out inside out to a silence split-second turn like a normal squeaking silent pitch into a normal silent room, only where-from the terror screaming was as deaf-making as loud could be...

just a few nuances of this nightmare I just have to stop for overload. But as last.. The loath bottom.. pressed with billions a second on its red while the camera was facing me for the world, zoomed in on my facial expression of guild and fear when the red was just radiating full on full full in loath of the world, it was a world celebration when finally found 'it'. I saw the zoom in and indeed, it was the most disgusting, the most lowest feeling of filth I ever looked straight faced and felt..
But at the end, it was just not true.. But it was then, and not full aware, world-aware at the core of everything..

I think psychosis in such extremes are the most terrible illnesses a man can face