Not ready to die

You say i’m not ready to die
when really i have been most of my life
You are not ready is what you’re trying to say
and yes, that’s okay.

You may not yet be ready to die yourself and
i truly hope that’s the case
for my brother and sister need their mom
especially when i’ll be gone

i’m dying to die and i know you know that’s true
It took you some time
but everyday you seem to realize a bit more:
i have been dying most of my life

Yes i’ve been breathing and trying to
do things as normal and best i could
Still i’ve been living in this psychological coma
therapy was supposed to be my temporary life-support

Yet it turned out to be my survive-support
for after all those years of breathing i’m still not really alive
half the time i don’t even seem to notice
i am here, that i do survive

This psychological bubble
this chronic derealization, depression and anxiety
other people fighting for me just to breathe
when all i wanna do is leave

It’s coming to an end i can feel it, almost taste it
no more figuratively sitting next to my bed
waiting for me to come back out of this psychological coma
It’s time for us to take our time to say goodbye

Will you stop my survive-support
or do i have to use my last breath to do so myself
For all hope has gone
this survive-support will never turn out to be my life-support

It is okay
i know you’re not ready to die
therefore you won’t have to, you’ll stay alive
and i’ll be going, leaving you behind
No need to cry for me
as nothing will change
i’ve been gone before
those last 15 years were (y)our extra time