I'm sorry now that you're gone...

I never meant to leave you,
I was really busy keeping myself together at home,
I didn't see the crisis, 
I never knew you felt so alone,
And I know that being happy was not your thing ,
Through your smiles, you were always sad,
But I never thought that I could make a difference,
In whatever was going on inside your head,
You were so smart, I looked up to you,
Yes you had your struggles, but overcame them too,
And then off you went, the road downhill,
I don't understand, and I never will,
Even though my pain, is very similar to yours,
And when it comes to keep battling, I am fighting the same force,
And months after you've passed, I sit here and I cry,
Because you chose to leave, but I never said goodbye,
And some people they told me, you saw no way out,
I'm trying to accept it, but the questions scream too loud,
After the pain, there came the lies,
And pain always builds up, untill someone dies,
And to me it's still a mystery, that just can't be true,
Because the person that died, unfortunately was you,
At night I have nightmares , where I scream in your face,
That you had no right to cause damage and then just leave this place,
And after the anger, I just cry and let it be,
And I'm yelling at you, " Please, you need to forgive me",
Because I do feel sorry, that I had to focus on myself,
And for not knowing, that your heart was torn in half,
I hope you are at peace, I'm pretty sure you are,
I will miss your wisdom, and laughing at the bar,
And I am sorry that it had to come this far,
For calling myself your friend, without knowing who you are,
And we cannot change things, because what's done is done,
But I am sorry, now that you're gone...