Killed in the waves

I hope I get killed in the waves, she said,
What am I still doing here, I'm just going mad,
In all I find beauty, eventually makes me sad,
The happiness I wanted, my heart never had,
People who love me, they magically dissapear,
Lost in the universe, but never more, here,
And my heart kept holding on, so dear,
But happiness stayed in the shadows of fear,
Darkness and silence, it's nothing new,
It was there before I was born,
And it will be there when I die too,
But she wanted to live her dreams, give life to them all,
So she kept on standing up after every fall,
But her heart was lonely, from the beginning till the end,
Something locked in there, no one would ever understand,
The pain was there daily, the sorrow was too,
And it kept on aching, but what could she do,
A life of loneliness, is what she decided,
But then there was love again,
And she could not fight it,
But the love, as it always did, came with so much pain,
And her heart longed for love,
But was sick of the game,
Nothing is ever good enough, no matter what I do,
People, they think I'm just a beast ,
But I've got feelings too,
She closed her eyes, imagined the sand under her feet,
With every old wound re-opened, she began to bleed,
She looked at the sea, and knew she was it's guest,
Maybe after today she would finally find rest,
I hope I get killed by the waves, she said,
But the only stormy sea was the one in her head,
And drowning was useless, her demons knew she could swim...
She never was able to escape the prison she was in.