What if I don't know what is wrong with me?
What if all I feel is pain?
What if all I've ever done in life,
Has never brought me gain?
This feeling inside is killing me,
And I don't know what it is.
I have everything I should have wanted,
But all it brought is this.
This emptiness, this loneliness,
This ever-growing void.
Of nothingness, of pointlessness,
Of happiness devoid.
The darkness is surrounding me,
Once over, like before,
All I can think is kill me now,
I won't wait for what's in store.
The darkness is surrounding me,
And yes, I know its name.
It visited me a thousand times,
And it has always been the same.
I'm done with this, I've had it all,
I know what it is like.
This being is just waiting,
Until that it can strike.
It's lurking in my depths,
It's gnawing at my core.
It steals away my happiness,
Until I can't take no more.
It's growing, always growing,
Far over my head.
It's greatest desire taunting me,
Wants me to end up dead.
And I'm battling and fighting,
With all the strength I've got.
But it will creep through my defenses,
Unless I turn to God.
Unless I'm laying at His feet,
All the ashes of my life.
Nothing is left over,
Despite of all my strife.
And then He will be telling me,
That He knows me by my name.
That He has suffered all the pointlessness,
And that He has known my pain.