Dear Cousin,

I Listen to her say those words,
And deep down I realise how right she is.
Deep down I realise I don’t know who you are,
Nor what you’re truly about.
I look back into the past and all I can see
Is a fading memory of a sleepover in your backyard.
A fading memory of a family that now seems so far away.
A family in which every member has his own story,
His own believes, his own version of your life.
I will no longer pretend to know all those things,
I will no longer live the lie of believing that for you,
I was still part of your life.
I have no reason to believe that for the past years
I ever was, even once.
Nor any reason to believe I ever will be.
So I will hide every single memory away,
Along with all the things left unsaid & undone between us.
Between two cousins.
Both part of a family,
Both strangers to each others worlds.
I’ll hide it away next to the pain of knowing what it’s like
To beg you for your care about me,..
Standing by your bedside,
Praying with every tear for your awakening.

And since now,
That is what we got, your eyes wide open,
There is no reason left for me to pretend I ever knew you.
No reason left to pretend we ever knew each other.
And yet so many reasons left
To hide the fact that I’ll always regret being a stranger to my own cousin.
So many reasons left to hide this invisible fight
Against those people who are guilty of tearing my cousin down.
The cousin who I’ve always loved.
The cousin who now seems too strong for words,
And for that,
Seems to no longer need an annoying little girl in his life.

More then angry words I hate This Silence,
it's Getting so Loud that I wanna scream..
But knowing that I myself am too terrified to see your reaction
If one day I would again walk into your room,
Tears me apart more then you’ll ever know.
And Not Knowing if you still want me to come and visit you,
Hurts more then blood will ever tell.

Love,
Your Cousin.