I don't really know what this is about.
I don't feel...good.
Things aren't right anymore.
thene again, they never really were.
I want, I don't even know,
I suppose I want someone to talk to..
But I can't do that.
I can't get close to people.
Yes, I have tried.
I try everyday.
But I just... I just can't.
I can't trust anymore.
Being that close to someone...being that cared for scares me to death.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I almost wish I never changed.
I almost wish i could wear pink again and have lots of "friends"
I didn't have to feel, I didn't need to think.
I never had to be close to people.
I didn't need to be real.
All I had to do was smile, and that made everything ok.
I want to be happy!
I'd give almost anything to be happy again.
I want to love, I want to be loved.
It's horrible to be like this.
To be so incredibly self-destructive.
I wish I could make it all beter, but i don't know where to start.
I know it's never going to go away.
But if I don't do something soon it's going to kill me.
I think I should start there:
All my friends, I'm so god damm sorry.
I'm more sorry than you guys will ever know.
I hate doing this to you.
The ones that care enough, and realize that I'm making myself suffer.
I'm so sorry you have to watch.
I'm sorry I never let you help, that I didn't let you stom me.
I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry I'm so stupid.
I'm sorry I get it in my head that you don't care.
I'm sorry I never really payed enough attentoin.
I care about you all so much... and I'm sorry I never show it.
There are so many things I have to apologize for...
I'm sorry for taking this long to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that the word 'sorry' doesn't change a thing.
I'm I can't take all the things I did back.
And I'm sorry for all the things I never said.
I'm sorry for not trusting you, Know that I can't help it.
I want to. and I'm working on it.
I'm sory I don't consider you 'real' frieds.
Until I can trust, I can't call you that.
I'm sorry if you don't want me feeling this guilty.
But I deserve every gut stabbing second of it.
I've been a horrible friend, and I owe you a world of apologies.
Thank you all for sticking by me.
I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't there for you.
For the times you needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was to busy looking for my own.
I'm so f*cking sorry
*zegt genoeg toch?